Desde mi Corazon

I do not know where to begin,
telling all these feelings that
 I am  holding in.
Afraid to speak what I really feel,
knowing no one else could ever understand
these emotions I bury so deep, until
those around me take my hand.

Feelings of Sorrow, feeling so mad,
so torn apart from the inside,
it hurts so bad
and now the grudges
I fear I will hold forever more
only make me more sad.
Creating tension from the not understanding
not even trying to,
those who pretend to be there for you
but really are not.
Animosity, yet its expected of me
to just let it be, treated as an outcast in your own family.
Because you care so much for her,
when I am with them I try to smile and grin,
but the love I feel is gone with the wind.
The hug like an empty promise given to you,
like the hole in my chest ,
will I ever be able to let this rest.
Where my heart was pulled out and put on ice
for another day shall be mine to come to peace with the rest.
That now it is too late
too far gone, for I miss you so much already and you have only just gone.
To make it about you
so selfish I see,
but everyone takes it to be
I am the misfit of my family.
Different beliefs, different people,
so many we have,
I’ll just keep my tongue tied,
it is for the best, so that you may rest.
Is it me or the family,
that I feel so much animosity.
Coldness, I receive but from those who should be there,
I know they could never understand me or think it is fair,
but constant repetition of things that drive me crazy,
but I will never be allowed to express how I feel.
The time is not right,
 causing a fight,
so empty here with out you,
when I lay my head down at night.
So what do I do,
do I tell how I feel,
or bottle it up until I explode.
I know not the things that were said
while I was not there
but walking in to such glares.
Cut the tension with a knife, like butter, spread it thin
on my wounded skin,
to reopen it I see;
Its because it’s about you; not her and not me.
Every thought , every feeling
of not being at rest,
the size of this hole, from my heart being torn from my chest.
The sadness, the anger
My madness it seems
is not what is expected of me.
I want to be there for you,
and with you,
but what about me
Do I get to grieve?
Is it fair for you all to gang up on me?
Does it make you feel betterto not understand,or just to not take me by the hand?
Instead to push me away, I see
If it is easier for you to not care
how I feel, go ahead and blame it on me
A part of me has died, never to be reborn.
You were a part of me,
and I’ll never be the same.
In this life it is a game
that I shall win
so I can be with you forever again. I love you can’t u see,
please don’t hold it against me;
for me being me!

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